18th February 2003:
Bush beats the Oil Junkies
by P.Fezza

The astonishing news last month that a new found oil reserve in the Australian outback has been discovered has sent shock waves through the global community. This reserve, found by a young boy who’s dog came back coated in an oily crude substance, is now the largest in the world. Thirty times greater than all the oil within Iraq. It is enough oil to keep the economy going for an additional 100 years, at the predicted rate of increase, basic assumptions being:

- The world consumes ~80 m barrels of oil a day which is ~30 billion barrels a year of oil. The US consumes 25% of this total. World per capita oil consumption has stayed fairly static over the last couple of decades and the world population growth is starting to slow with a projected peak of 8 billion people in 2050.
- There are 1 trillion barrels of "proven" oil reserves globally with 0.5 t in potential "easy to extract" reserves in new areas like the Caspian Sea.
- There is an additional 1.5 t potential barrels of oil in "hard to extract" areas like shale.

The Middle East represented 2/3rds of proven oil reserves prior to this discovery.

Past Proven reserves statistics:
Saudi Arabia: 261,750
Iraq: 112,500
United Arab Emirates: 97,800
Kuwait: 96,500
Iran: 89,700
Venezuela: 77,685
Australia: 2,780,700

Clearly the Australian reserves dwarf those of everyone else. The cost of oil has plunged and the world crisis has been further delayed. However the area in which the oil lies is owned by a family of aboriginal descent that claim it should remain there naturally. They do not want to carve up the landscape, nor do they feel that they should extract any of the oil from it.

The United States are disgusted at this, and demand that the oil be used constructively for the development of the corporate empire. The Australians, who would prefer their land be used for cattle grazing are not giving in to the peer pressure from the Americans, the Australian Government and many other political parties from across the world. As a direct result of this, President Bush has taken action. Upon editing his axis of evil list, by adding ‘Central Australia’, he has ordered all troops, warships, planes, nuclear weapons and restaurant owners to make their way towards the outback. Ignoring warnings of ‘global de-stabilisation’ by the UN. Bush is backing his decision to attack the family with full force by allegations that the ‘Bag-Andy,’ family have weapons of mass destruction. These are accompanied by aerial photos from 1990 which clearly show a nuclear power station several thousands of kilometres away as well as a large tractor in the backyard.

Such weapons of mass destruction described by President Bush:

1. The Sword.
This weapon has killed millions over the past millennia. The sharp and dangerous object if used in an incorrect manor could poke an eye out. If it is used to slaughter another innocent American or human being, it is neither quick nor instantaneous like the humane method of murder, using a gun; victims often taking at least an hour to die.
Upon possession of such an item, it is clear that these terrorist activists are highly dangerous and should be stopped.

2. Pitch Fork.
An instrument that can be used to stake and maim innocent civilians while preventing our American troops from killing their children, raping their land and stealing their oil.

3. Nuclear Weapons
A picture of this was used as direct evidence that action should be taken. Found by American weapons inspectors, this ‘Pure Fission Bomb’ could be highly dangerous. The bomb would, if it were in the hands of the terrorists (rather than a top secret bunker in Nevada) cause the death of millions of people providing the Bag-Andy’s had the means to launch it. Its threat would be further increased if it had the capability to function correctly - as opposed to being made of cheap red plastic and being stamped with a large six foot ‘Made in America’ banner.

NSN has set up a fund for the troops and governments of the world to help bring down these terrible conspirators. Click the link below to fill in a simple form to donate $1 to the American Government while also providing us with valuable information about various other cities that should be bombed and destroyed by our nation. We will be happy to oblige.